"A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours." - William R. Inge

Is it February already? When did January pass me by? Subhanallah, time flies really fast nowadays. But alhamdulillah for an awesome January. Nothing exciting about my first 31 days of 2011 but compared to keadaan mangsa banjir, kesedihan ibu-ibu yang kehilangan anak akibat kecuaian pengasuh, nasib rakyat Mesir/Tunisia/Filipina, I have to say that I had a fairly good start to 2011, alhamdulillah. Although it wouldn’t hurt if the Firm gives me a raise, on par with current market salary and stop enforcing nonsensical rules. Haish.

Tengah bersyukur tiba-tiba nak merungut. Biasalah. Manusia cetek iman.

Wanted to update on our recent trip to the Universal Studios but haven’t had the chance to transfer all the pictures. So I’m gonna complaint about our Singaporean tourist guide instead. Best kan? Instead of a cheerful travelogue entry, you get a cynic one. Yeay! Hahaha.

She is the kind of makcik you see lingering around in Singgah Selalu - bertudung with simple blouse and slack, speaks good English and Malay with Temasek slang – harmless, basically. Then one day she woke up and think, “How dare Malaysian mantan PM said that about Singaporean Malays?! Today I have a group of Malaysian tourists to guide and I’m gonna basuh them cukup-cukup about how great our country is and how successful Singaporean Malays are. You wait!”

So she did just that. She hopped on our bus and boasted all day long. Instead of giving us a tour and showing us her beautiful, developed country, 85% of the time, she got defensive about the people’s conditions there and boasted about how her country is the best in everything in Asia. The first to do this. The first to build that. The first to win this. The first to lead that. Pffftt.

That is how she got her nickname: Makcik First.

We get it, Makcik First! We get it! Walaupun your government spent almost SGD6M to build the Esplanade, it is OK sebab semua rakyat sudah ada rumah, so it is OK to overspend. We get that 100% of your youths are educated for at least 10 years and are all IT-savvy that jobs like bus conductor and penyapu sampah are beneath them. We get that your toilets tak ada paip air sebab tak nak lantai licin. And that allegedly, nobody do drugs in Singapore. And that it is OK for your government to charge fairly high if you wanna own a car there, because your public transports are superb. Yes we get it Makcik, that you are proud that Singapore is a secular country. And yes, we know you are proud of your huge casino because we can definitely hear when you shouted dengan gembira, “Ya inilah kasino kita!”

I personally have nothing against Singapore. I sincerely think that Singapore is a great country. Modern and well-developed, with awesome architectures and disciplined people and yes, very clean indeed. But when that Makcik got very political ketika sepatutnya jadi tourist guide, memang satu bas panas telinga. Nasib baik semua orang jaga tatatertib dan tak kick her out of the bus, although the husbands (Wahida’s and mine) almost wanted to start a debate with the Makcik. But they decided to let her go. Biarkanlah si luncai dengan labu dia.

For instance, I like your Pua Chu Kang!
I have friends and relatives in Singapore so please understand, I’m not bashing Singaporeans or their awesome country here. This is utterly against the Makcik First and the Makcik alone.

So yes, Makcik First, kami akui, toilets in Malaysia memang mostly berair dan busuk, we have high crime rates, masih ramai pengemis dan homeless people, dan masih ada rakyat kami yang mahu jadi cleaner and bus conductor. Puas hati?! Oh but please don’t pretend that your Malay is not good because English is your first language and do apologize for treating us macam tak faham Bahasa Inggeris. “Eh apa ya kamu panggil ini? Jambatan lelayang, betul tak? Maafkan saya kalau salah. Mengerti, tidak?” Pfftt. Jambatan lelayang konon.

We freaking know what a flyover is, woman!