Thursday, January 27, 2011

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.” - Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986


I have heard too many stories of irritated people yang tak tahan dengan perangai budak-budak dalam kapal terbang, di shopping malls, dalam restoran. A columnist even went to the extent of calling this one toddler she was sat behind in a plane, a TFH i.e. Toddler From Hell. Kah kah. Mean but kinda funny. But somehow that particular piece she wrote did not irk me much, because it was written from the perspective of a mom. Her children are all grown up, tapi dia pernah lalui fasa anak-anak kecil. Lalu dia faham. Lalu penulisan dia tak mengguris.

Penulisan dia benar; well, let’s face it, memang ramai budak nakal and the parents jenis tak kisah so these kind of people memang annoying.

I for one memang sangat berdebar if my baby starts to shriek or wail or baby-talk loudly in a plane/restaurant. So I’ll do everything I can to stop him from disturbing others, selalunya dengan cara kasi dia makan something lah. I think what irritates most people are parents who just couldn’t care less and just let their children do whatever they please.

For instance, we were eating at this McD outlet in TUTA and there was this toddler who kept running here and there pergi table orang sambil baling-baling mainan dia dan jerit-jerit. The parents were busy dengar penjelasan MLM dan buat tak tahu saja at their toddler yang sedang membuat karenah, until the toddler terlanggar pintu cermin dan menangis sekuat hati, barulah the dad ambil and sit him down and pujuk, but after 5 minutes, the chaos began again. Pfftt!

So yes, we parents get it, Toddlers (or even Infants) From Hell are annoying.

Someone wrote about this on the Malaysian Insider (she called these kind of toddlers untamed beast - how dare she! Haha) and suggested that parents with toddlers should not go to malls. Lepas baca, aku rasa macam, eh eh apahal? So once you’re a parent, you don’t get to enjoy what other people normally do, is it? Haish. Itu bukan masalahnya. Masalah ialah bila bawa anak dan kemudian buat tak tahu when they start acting unbecomingly. She tweeted that ada parents marah dia lepas baca that article and said that she doesn’t understand sebab tak ada anak. To that she answered, “Terasa, much?” Hahaha.

You ni. I tak terasapun sebab anak I belum pandai lari-lari jadi untamed beast kat shopping mall (God forbid!) tapi I think to suggest that parents with toddlers should not go to mall, adalah sedikit kelakar. Heh. What parents should do ialah, jagalah anak-anak! And as she put it, albeit too harshly, “Stop torturing other people with the antics of your ill-brought up children because they reflect badly on you.” She has a got a point there.

But I do somewhat agree that if you’re not a parent yourself, you don’t get to lecture others on their parenting skills, apatahlagi to call them Bad Parents. Haish.


The day will come when the husband and I will have to deal with our son as a toddler and I hope that we will be able to discipline him dengan sebaik mungkin dan elakkan dia dari jadi an untamed beast or a TFH. I guess one of us has got to be the bad police and I have a feeling it’s gonna be me T____T Kah kah. With that, I leave you with this beautiful poem by Diane Loomans, If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again:

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

26 comments:

reena said...

That Malaysian Insider writer just being sarcastic kot bila dia suggest parents with toddlers jangan pi malls?

AyinEmran said...

Aku selalu doa banyak-banyak everytime nak naik flight. Risau Kasih cranky dan mengganggu org lain. Nervous beb.

Haha ya, orang yang belum jadi parents tidak boleh terlalu judgemental dgn parents with babies.

Marliza Radzi said...

Reena: No she was dead serious. Haha. Siap kasi suggestions where should they go, what should they do.

Ayin: Sama, akupun selalu doa puh kiri puh kanan. Hehehe.

madam teacher said...

writer tu x penah jd bdk kecik ke? ntah2 die mase kecik2 dulu lg dahsyat. :P

dlm flight biase la. even adults get easily annoyed with long hours and small spaces, apetah lg bdk2 kan.

Marliza Radzi said...

Dia kata ayah dia pandang je sekali, dia & adik beradik terus behave hehe.

WaNNi said...

salam.kebykan msian prinsipnya 'anak sy betul, org lain yg salah'. tu psl kalau anak terkena sikit salahkan org lain dulu. agaknya budak kat mcd yg 'baik' tu kalau org yg terlanggar anak dia n melalak mesti dah bergaduh bapaknya kat situ.

p.s:k.wani follow your twitter, boleh ye.

Ninie Ahmad said...

OKKKKKKKKKK terima kasih kepada Am dan Ayin.

Saya takkan ada Baby sampai laki ada duit beli kapal terbang peribadi (pastu nak shopping mall dalam rumah jugak, please). Ha haa!

Marliza Radzi said...

Kak Wani: Mudah2an kita dijauhkan dari prinsip sebegitu!

Ninie: Tak perlulah! Yakin boleh! :D

nor'aini said...

my younger son pernah behave badly kt subang parade. tatau mn nk ltk muka. we ate at manhattan, but he saw nando's n ayam2 kt nando's. so he ran to nando's n berguling2, meraung2 dlm nando's sbb nk ambik ayam tu. frankly speaking i felt like punching him...last2 kami blk je.hah ko melalak je la dlm kereta :p

Hanafedora said...

Lovely poem.

Marliza Radzi said...

Nor'aini: I totally understand the feeling! Kesiannya.

Hana: Indeed :)

twayblade said...

hanya jauhari yg mengenal manikam. hanya org yg ada anak kecil saja tau mcm mana rasanya mempunyai anak kecil yg perangainya sgt unpredictable.

Seorang Ibu said...

sorry i cannot agree... children are children, mana ada budak kecil yang duduk diam? mungkin anak tu ganjil jika hanya ingin duduk di satu tempat? mungkin mall tu perlu lebih children friendly? flight? common, they are experiencing something new, of course akan menangis. Saya rasa orang yang merokok lebih ugly daripada seorang kanak-kanak kecil yang sedang dalam proccess membesar dan explore... give them a break... give their parents a break, may be they have tried their best but the kids keep pushing their boundaries... you never know until you have a toddler...Kalau saya nampak ada anak yang behave "inappropriately" di mata saya, saya simpati tetapi it stops there, I will not judge the parents...

Marliza Radzi said...

Ida & Seorang Ibu: Ya the Malaysian Insider columnist belum jadi ibu jadi dia tak faham mungkin.

mrsdjones said...

I couldn't agree more dgn Seorang Ibu and twayblade. Toddler-hood is a very challenging phase and not everyone is blessed with a well-behaved kids. Just wait until you have one and you will know. One moment they are an angel, another moment mmg mcm monster. Selalu jugak end dinner/shopping trip abruptly sbb xmau anak mengganggu org sekeliling makan/shopping. Sabar je la, but that will not stop us from visiting the mall ok! We will haunt you peace-loving ppl in the mall! haha :p

Y A T T said...

Sayang!

Aku pernah nampak toddler yg horror sangat. Dia panjat2 meja, sinki macam org gila. Mak dia ( being the bad police, i guess) marah and spank dia sikit jek. Pastu guess what. The kid shouted "babiiii!" dan menangis2 cakap "sakitttt. ibu babi...". i was like, OMG meh sini aku tolong lempangkan anak kau. Mak dia sangat marah (and malu kot) and just left and there came the ayah pujuk2 budak tu, terus dia berenti nangis. Haishhh. spoil lah ayah tu.

Well anyway, bila Hadi toddler nanti, I'm sure he'll be a nice and sweet toddler..

and thanks for sharing the poem. me likey!

muahss!

Marliza Radzi said...

Mrsdjones: Eh I totally understand that toddlers are difficult to handle. My son baru 8m pun dah mendebarkan. Haha. Kena bawa toys/foods to keep him occupied, kalau tak mmg menjerit! Aargh! Haha. But I too understand that other people memang annoyed dengan parents yang jenis buat tak tau.

Yatt: Seriously? Baby? Nauzubillah!

nadmin said...

anak saya pernah bergolek2 dan menjerit2 kat Sogo.. hahaha.. Tapi org sekeliling macam tak kesah sbb Sogo bising sgt waktu tu dan ramai jugak budak lain yang macam tu..
perasaan ayahnya, humm.. tak tau nak cakap macam mana..memang kena banyak sabar..

fieza said...

Hahah...

Oh, Yuni pernah baring2 atas lantai mall sebab I carried her away from mainan kereta. And I was alone at that time. Horror!

Luckily tak ramai orang. But there was a man passing by said "Kuatnya suara" hehe...

Memang rasa sangat bersalah cause tak dapat control Yuni's behaviour that time. But at least tak sampai mengganggu orang lain seperti memukul/melanggar. Hehe...

In the end, I gathered my remaining energy and angkut Yuni mcm guni beras. hehe

Actually, a faster way prevent public tantrum is to get them distracted :)

Marliza Radzi said...

Nadmin: Sabar is the key :)

Fieza: Anak aku suka jerit kat restoran kalau kitorang makan tanpa kasi dia something. Adoi ai. Haha.

Ahsuez said...

So agree with you. The kiasu in Malaysia is sadly arising. The thing about these people is that as long as they could tolerate it, the hell with others. And I bet they are them same on road too; duduk lane kanan tapi drive 20km/h, simply buang sampai keluar kereta, and those yang menyakitkan hati.

Mereka tak pernah terkena pada batang hidung sendiri, lalu tak sensitive dengan orang lain.

If only they knew that the world doesn't revolve around them and them only.

Marliza Radzi said...

Ahsuez: Nicely said!

Anonymous said...

totally love the poem.

Dan ya, Umar yg 8bulan itu pun selalu mendebarkan Mama dia ni each time nak bawak p jalan-jalan.



another "LIKE" entry from me!


~coffeeaddicts~

nor'aini said...

ermmmm, i wld say, kite x blh expect org lain faham bahawa anak kite dlm proses "tumbesaran" sbb tu ank kite throw tantrum in public. lg pun anak kita, pehal lak org len kena faham kn?

smlm my younger kid ngamuk ms makan, sbb the food lmbt sgt sampai,tp level dia, masih blh ditolerate. but i notice ade yg dah start jeling2. i just apologize to them

Anonymous said...

sbb tu kami usually x bawak umar keluar lebih dari 2 jam.. sbb tahu limit dia.. bak kata seril, don't push it..hehe

Marliza Radzi said...

Aida: Thanks :D

Noraini: Itulah pasal.

Far: Yes yes, they're babies kan. Kitapun boleh jadi restless, apatahlagi diorang.