"Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, She doesn't have what it takes. They will say, Women don't have what it takes." - Clare Boothe Luce

I made a pact with myself to be a good sport this Mother’s Day; so I wished all my first-time-mom-friends Happy Mother’s Day and attended a family gathering celebrating the day. Inspired sedikit oleh Sandra Bullock who was quoted to say this when asked about her not having her own child: “I am not going to waste two seconds of my life wishing I had what I don’t.” Sayapun mahu begitu, Puan Sandra, except that it’s hard to do so when people keep reminding you of that every two seconds. Haish.

[Mohon izin tiru Puan Leeds menampal FB status, ya Leeds ya?
Oh, and happy birthday! Have a good one!]

Menyampah, okay? Even more annoying sebab orang-orang yang tanya itu tahu apa yang baru berlaku kepada saya. Give me a break-lah. First, I need to be physically and emotionally ready to try again. Second, please be sensitive-lah, it’s not that I choose not to have children, Allah belum mahu berikan, what can I do about that selain berdoa? (But even if I choose to merancang, it’s my life and I have every right to do whatever I want with it!) And third, yeah, it’s none of your business anyway.

I know some of them meant well. So I tried to remain cool sambil chanting dalam hati, “Mereka berniat baik. Mereka berniat baik. Mereka berniat baik.” My mom has taught me well supaya behave, jangan buat perangai; lalu saya hanya senyum dan minta mereka doakan. Kemudian dalam kereta, Suami sayalah yang kena layan melankoli saya. Nasib baik dia faham.

Tapi sampai hari ini saya masih sayu. Entahlah, saya rasa well-meaning people akan guna cara lain untuk menunjukkan niat murni, macam, “Makcik doakan AM akan jadi ibu juga satu hari nanti, jangan putus harap, doa hari-hari, Makcik hari-hari doakan AM.” Hah, kan sedap didengar kalau begitu? Confirm saya menangis terharu kalau dapat ucapan penuh hikmah begitu. Hahaha. But I guess, lain orang, lain caranya. Saya hanya perlu yakin bahawa semua orang ini berniat baik. Huhu.

I remember reading satu blog entry yang sangat sedih few years back. This blogger, after 2 years of trying, finally got pregnant but had to abort her baby at 4 months due to some complications. So on Mother’s Day, she wrote a very melancholic entry tentang kesedihan dia. Ketika baca entry itu, saya menangis sikit. I remember thinking, this could happen to anyone. But some people can be so insensitive; tinggalkan komen yang dia kufur sebab tak percaya dengan takdir Allah etc etc. I don’t remember anything dalam entry dia yang tunjukkan dia tak percaya pada takdir, dia hanya mahu kongsi perasaan sayu dan kecewa. Komen-komennya lebih kejam sebenarnya, but I don’t remember the exact words. I don’t know about you, but I think komen-komen begitu malicious and utterly unnecessary. Lainlah kalau jelas dia salahkan takdir. Ini tidak. Dia cuma sedih. Tukang beri komen itu tak pernah sedih eh, atas apa-apa yang menimpanya? Haish. Saya tahu, menegur untuk dakwah itu wajib, tapi tolonglah jadi sensitive sedikit dan berdakwah dengan lemah lembut. Bukankah Allah telah berfirman?

"Serulah (manusia) kepada jalan Robbmu dengan hikmah
dan pelajaran yang baik dan bantahlah mereka
dengan cara yang baik." (Q.S.16:125).

Yalah, yalah, maybe I’m being too sensitive. But I’m just human. Manusia mana yang emosinya tak pernah terganggu? Terutama jika ada anasir luar. Oh! Or maybe I should suppress my emotion, mencontohi masyarakat Vulcan? Heh. Which reminds me, dah tonton Star Trek? You should, especially if you grow up watching Captain Kirk and his crew. Hehe. Sorry-lah for the melancholic entry on this gloomy Tuesday. Have a good day and “live long and prosper”, people!