"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do,
but it gets you nowhere" ~ Glenn Turner

I can’t seem to stop obsessing about this unconfirmed issue I have regarding myself. If you’re a Facebook junkie, you might have noticed that I wrote the same thing on my page today. Pagi petang, siang malam, I can’t stop! People have been advising me to stop worrying and some have been sharing positive stories; but they don’t know how it feels to be in this position! Unless you’ve had had the same issue, you won’t know, you won’t understand. The more I read on the topic, semakin risau jadinya. Kenapa aku tak boleh obses tentang benda lain? Takuya Kimura ke, Remy Ishak ke, Mawi-Ekin ke. Setidak-tidaknya taklah sakit kepala. Letih tau!

Zul wrote, “an idle brain is the devil's workshop”, which I think is true. Tapi otak aku ini, is far from being idle! You have no idea betapa banyaknya kerja aku memandangkan 2 hari telah tidak masuk ke pejabat (outstation, ya) Tapi ya, dalam keadaan banyak kerja ini (urgent some more!), aku masih sempat obses tentang perkara ini. I know that troubles only grow bigger if you nurse them. But I just can’t help it. It’s not that aku tidak akan redha jika it turned out for the worse, it’s just that selagi it is not confirmed, I just can’t stop thinking and reading and worrying about it. Itulah I told you, I am a worrier, disguised as an optimist, kalian tak nak percaya.

You have no idea betapa rasa berdosanya obses tentang perkara ini, unconfirmed some more, ketika nyawa Palestinian Muslims seumpama telur di hujung tanduk, ketika Masjid Al-Aqsa dalam bahaya, ketika dunia kerisauan dan hanya mampu mendoakan laknat ke atas rejim Yahudi dari kejauhan. MasyaAllah, iman saya sungguh lemah! Tapi saya tak mampu melawan obsesi ini. Bantu?