Every test in our life makes us bitter or better. 

Every problem comes to make us or break us.

Choice is ours, whether we become victim or victorious. 

There are days when you feel down and starts to questions the things happening in your life; like why are all my friends migrating somewhere awesome and I am still here, 6 years and counting, why is this happening to my career when I’ve always been honest, ethical and professional since day one of this journey, why does this have to happen to my loved ones while others have normal, perfect lives. Am I not worthy of a better life? Why can’t I afford that thing I want? Why does this happen to me? Am I a bad person? Does Allah love me? Have I been a bad daughter? Have I not tried lived my life in the most positive manners? You know, self-deprecating stuffs like that. 

But then, Allah answers them with my own voice inside my head; that dunia is nothing but temporary and life is short and fleeting, that He tests us to bring us back to His path and remind us that a perfect dunia is never the destination as it is unattainable, that with prayers and lots of doa, we will be closer to our Creator and be reminded that everything that happens in our lives is by His will and He is indeed the best planner. And as Imam Zaid Shakir aptly put it, “How bad can any suffering in this world be if it opens the door to unimaginable, eternal good in the life hereafter?” 

I read that sometimes prayers are not answered in the most literal sense. The writer gives example of a successful man who prays to achieve consistent khusyuk in solat, then his business hit rock bottom and failed. He questions why God do this to him when he has been nothing but a good Muslim. But then, when his business - that always kept him away from Allah, that always made him rush in his prayers and ibadah – failed, he submits completely to Allah and realized, his doa for khusyuk has been answered. When life knocks you down, you’re in the perfect position to pray! 

Today I choose to be grateful for the little things in my life right now that makes me happy; like the fact that Tan Hiok Nee nestles the most awesome kopitiams, that today MIL made masak lemak ikan merah with belimbing buluh and lotsa cili padi, our (Hadi and I) little ice cream fun this scorching hot afternoon, that Noah is literally a sumber ketenangan jiwa, how my husband, after almost 7 years of marriage, still makes me laugh almost every day, the flexibility of my work, albeit the lack of monies, that awesome Kingsman movie, and mostly for the little voice inside my head for those positive affirmations that I sometimes need so badly. 

Today I pray Allah grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change and to always be thankful for all those little tests and blessings. For growing trees are strengthened, if they withstand the storm.