Insanity Streak

Dear Thelma,

These are actually my thoughts on Friday. I am now feeling better anyway. Having too much time with almost nothing to do almost drove me crazy. My mind engineered stupid, insignificant images and thoughts. This is the only part of not being busy that I hate.

1. Most of my thoughts come down to trying not to care for what others think. Is it my fault that I can't please them? If I try my very best not to mess with them, tapi masih lagi tak puas hati, what else should I do? Change myself to suit their likings? I don't think so. I was not born to make them happy. I live for myself, and along the way, I make sure I don't mess with others' lives. We can't please everybody. We just can't. But sometimes like on Friday, my own philosophy and belief fails me. I hate it when that happen.

2. What is it with some guys and their needs to dominate? To always have control over everything? This type of guys annoy me. I'd rather choke myself to death than having to settle with their kind (God forbid). Go punch yourself!!! (I was going to mencarut there but suddenly realised that I don't do that)

3. People are unique in our own ways. If how she lives her life does not appeal to you, please go mind your own business. Oh so you hate her for being too loud, for being sunshiney happy as if she is some sort of stupid faker?! Guess what, she may not like your eccentric behaviours as well. You may dislike him for being too deep, too depressed, and yadayada Coldplay like. Reality check, you ain't perfect too. He loves his life, and that is more important.

Let him be. Acceptance is always the answer. Being friend with King has taught me that I could only truly love when I truly accept. He and I are like langit dan bumi, malam dan siang, but I accept him for all that he is, dan dengan itu, hidup akan lebih mudah, lebih tenang. But it is sometimes easier to be with someone who is more like you in many ways, as King would definitely agree. Eih? Heh.

4. So I envy some other girls for obvious reasons, like being too beautiful (like this one girl I 'encountered' on Friendster. She is so so gorgeous she could kill.) Like Juma for being so lucky to have such a beautiful wedding. Like Siti because she could sing like an angel. Like my rich friends who can use daddies' credit cards and have everything they could possibly want.

But I am stuck with myself, with my life, so while I'm at it, I'd better accept it and make full use of it. Right?

5. Sometimes I feel like yelling & mencarut & all those bitching people do when they are angry or pissed off or feeling yucky. Does it feels good? I'd really like to know. But sadly, I am brought up to be as sopan santun as I could be.

Yea right. I just have no spunk. And that's about it.

Ah Thelma, sometimes it feels real good to unmask my negativity. TQ for your time. Lalala. Oh and Happy Mom's Day, especially to my wonderful Ibu. Are you a mom, Thelma? I wish I am.

- Cranky Anonymous with runny nose