Monday, March 11, 2013

Our Prophet (peace be upon him) told Jabir, (may Allah be pleased with him),
 "Marry someone who makes you laugh and you make her laugh."
The topic for Lite FM Breakfast Show discussion tomorrow would be something about putting your marriage first before your children. From the promo, I gather that Richard seems to disagree as he thinks it is impossible to do so when your children invade your life and take most of your time. I guess for most mothers I know, the notion that your children would ever come second seems ludicrous. But I personally think you should not let your children take over your life and your marriage. Children are supposed to strengthen your love and commitment as husband and wife and not the one driving you away from each other.
It’s easier said than done though! When you have kids, putting your marriage as the main priority is not a walk in the park. You’re tired, you’ve spent all your energy on your kids and sometimes, you couldn’t care less about anything else anymore. Especially when you’re a new mom, it would take some time to balance everything out. I think during the first few months of being a mom, I was guilty of being a mom and nothing else. Simply because I was so damn tired and the little energy I had was drained out of me at the end of the day. The moment that this hit me was this one day when I had fallen asleep as I was nursing Hadi, and I just realized that I didn’t notice that my husband has been sick all day long. A pang of guilt hit me and from that moment, I vowed to put in more effort as a wife.
In Tony Parson’s The Family Way, one character cheated on his wife not because he doesn’t love her anymore, but simply because after becoming a mother, his wife became “a mom first” (the words he used) and neglected him. I thought he was so damn selfish but let’s face it; the wife was at fault in some way. I think most of us would agree that we all need love and attention.
It takes effort. And I believe everyone should make the effort; to spend some time together, to make your spouse happy and all that. Have lunch together on working days. Stay up late after your kids are all in bed and maybe watch a movie together. If you’re lucky enough to have maids or family help, coffee break, movie outing, mini vacay and all that really helps. Or simple romantic gestures would do - a morning kiss, lovey dovey texts, flower bouquet - most women are not that hard to please you know? A happy wife is a happy mother and a happy mother is the most crucial key to a happy home! It’s a simple equation!
If my logic doesn’t suit you, let us go back to our faith. Our religion really emphasizes on creating a happy marriage. In fact, it is considered "Half the Deen". Our beloved Prophet Rasulullah SAW is the best example of a husband; Baginda is loving, kind, helpful, romantic and playful, everything every women dream of. I’d like to share this 28 Tips You Need To Be A Successful (Muslim) Spouse! by Yusuf Estes which I really, really like as it has advices for both husbands and wives, and was written in cool, interesting tone.
It’s not about choosing to put your marriage above your children or anything like that per se, I believe it’s about balance. After all, a healthy, loving marriage would result in healthier, happier family, don’t you think so? I do.


Acaii Jawe said...

Beautifully written am:) Could agree more! Am, nak request button facebook share,haha. Sbb nak share ke twitter or facebook senang entry bagus2 camni. Ada byk plugin utk blogspot yg bleh share. Makasih.

Acaii Jawe said...

Kan dah typo. Maafin.

Marliza Radzi said...

Thanks Acai :) Alamak, tak reti nak letak. Bagaimana? Hehe.

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Ahsuez said...

Nicely written!

I faced with the same problem when I was a new mom, rectified and faced with the same problem again when I was a new mom-of-two. InshaAllah, hope we can make good spouses (me and my husband lah) to each other, this time around too.


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Moose said...

I'm guilty as charged. :(

Though I'm a SAHM, being a mom & a wife is not an easy job especially for first time mom like me. Every day I make an affirmation to be a better mom AND WIFE but towards the end of the day, I still fail, the latter part mostly.

And thanks for attached link. Insya Allah, let us be one. Amin.

Yan said...

totally agree!! love this...