Monday, January 21, 2013

If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?” - Milton Berl

Saw this on Parents Uncensored (one of the many parenting pages I subscribe to on Facebook) and was reminded to a scene from the novel Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult; of a female customer who came into the café the protagonist works at and changed her baby’s diaper on the table while ordering her breakfast. The protagonist thought the woman looked like she had 4 hands, very superhero-like. But I cringed when I read it and all I could think of was, why did she change her baby on a table at a public restaurant? I couldn’t fathom it.

I agree with the author of the above article, Nicole Fabian-Weber; she wrote: “Like most women, after I became a mom, I became a lot less judgmental about the things I had seen other moms do in the past. Wipe boogers off of their kids' noses with their bare hands. Smell their baby's butts in public. Whatever. I'm now quite aware that while motherhood is the most amazing thing, it's far from glamorous. But, despite my affinity and sympathy for mamas, and how hard their jobs are at times, I do think there's a line. And plopping your kid on a restaurant table and changing their diaper crosses that line.”
Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone doing that where I live, but apparently it’s a norm in some other parts of the world? I don’t know. My son is almost 3 and never in his life had I ever thought of doing that. I think it’s pretty disrespectful to the other patrons. Isn’t there a baby room or toilet nearby? The backseat of your own car? Or worse case scenarios, on the chair instead of the table? The table is where you put the food, people. Like Nicole has aptly pointed out, “As hard as it may be for us moms to see sometimes, there are other people in the world. People without kids. People who really would rather not look at your child's naked bottom while they're eating.”
I read the comments and some mothers are OK with it; they think it’s the restaurant’s fault for not having a proper changing table for babies. Some was trying to compare it to breastfeeding in public which I don’t see the resemblance to. Breastfeeding in public is basically eating out, which if done discreetly, will not cause any discomfort to anybody else (though I’ve never done it in a restaurant either! Penyegan sungguh!)
If you think it’s cool to plop your kid on a restaurant table and change their diaper, then it’s up to you. I’m a firm believer of the mantra, “your kids, your choice”, but I personally think you should try to refrain yourself from taking the easy way out, for your own convenience, at other people’s expenses.
What’s your thought on this?


Anonymous said...

Saw an episode of Erra Fazira's reality show dulu when she had her baby. Her husband took the baby out with friends, and did exactly that. Changed the baby's diaper on the next table. I remember thinking WHAT IN THE WHAT WHAT but at the same time thinking I'm not a mom yet, ntah2 I pun camtu gak nanti. But till today the very idea squicks me out. I've changed my kids in their stroller, in the back seat of the car, on a park bench in Hong Kong, but not on a table in a restaurant.

Moose said...

i've changed my son's diaper in restaurants before mainly because there was no nursing or baby room so we had to improvise. i tried to be discreet because i'm afraid of the other patrons going to notice. it was usually on the bench/chair but never on the table because it was just too rude & disrespectful to do so.

Ezany said...

Kalau bayi tu comel dan kecil sangat macam dalam gambar ni, I tak rasa the urge pun untuk rasa disgust. Mulianya ciptaan Allah ini. Dia masih berbau syurga.

For me, I think whatever makes me easy I will do it. Sebab yang buat adalah kita sendiri. Bukan orang lain. Tapi kalau dia poops secara logiknya takkan lah nak tukar atas meja. Sungguh selfishnya kau ni. Haha. As for now, I tak pernah buat lagilah. Hehe

Kesian nya mak mak, asyik kena judge jek. Sebab basically she just doing her job. As a mother.MPOV.

Marliza Radzi said...

Imee: Haha kat restoran apa?

Moose: Yeah I pun rasa kalau orang tak nampak macam atas kerusi, OKlah.

Ezany: Entah, sebab kena fikir orang lain juga rasanya. Then again yeah, “your kids, your choice”. Although all moms yang responded to me on Twitter memang cakap it's a NO NO NO, bukan masalah judgment to other moms, cuma kena learn to be considerate.

YATT said...

its a NO NO for me. aku pernah je macam tu. i ended up changing Airis dalam toilet. And takde tempat nak baringkan dia, hubby aku pegang dia while aku pakaikan pampers dia. and mind you, bukan easy pants yer.. and she's heavy too. tapi kalau aku nampak parents lain change atas meja, i wont judge. it just that i wont do it. kalau susah sgt, aku pergi jer lah kat kereta and tukar kat seat belakang.

Marliza Radzi said...

Yatt: Exactly my sentiment.

Imaan said...

Will never do that!Husband and I pernah change the diaper sambil berdiri like Puan Yatt did.Tp on table tmpt org letak makanan a big NO and the view to the people who are eating..gahh.Like my mum always says if you don't want people to judge you, learn to be considerate!

Oh Tuhanku, ini CHIKA lama tak komen said...

Topik ini! Suami saya pasti sukakan ini kerana dia sangat PANTANG perbuatan change diaper anak merata tempat. Satu, kena sensitif 'kegelian' orang dia kata. Kedua, kena jaga maruah anak. Alamak, maruah anak pon kira? OK lah, kiraaa!

Marliza Radzi said...

Imaan: Your last sentence - well said!

Chika: Comel gila nama awak, Puan Chika lama tak komen! Hehehe.

HiDa said...


Although I am not a mother yet, I understand the difficulties of being a mom, since I took care of my orphaned anak2 buah.

But the point is, walau macam manapun susah dan emergency pn, I do agree that klau tukar atas meja makan tu mmg crossing the line.

Pertama, kerana lampin mengandungi najis, dan jika terkena pada meja makan dan terkena pada makanan, bukankah kita makan dari sumber yang tidak halal dan suci?

Kedua Islam juga mengajar kita untuk menghormati org lain. Jadi kita harus juga fikirkan perasaan org lain yg juga mkn kt situ,betul x?

And thirdly sy penah witness a chinese family biarkan anak die potty train di meja sebelah kami. Honestly, x lalu nk makan bile tgk anak die buat 'bisnes' sblah meja makan kami...

Ayuni Ayatillah said...

Wow, this is not right to me too. There must be other ways to improvise. Funny how some parents demand other people to respect their needs, then they forget that they also need to respect other people too.

Marliza Radzi said...

Hida: What? Maksudnya anak dia buang air tepi meja ke macam mana?

Ayuni: True that!