“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” - Milton Berle

A Twitter friend confessed today that in the first few months from the day her son was born, she pushed him away and even asked herself what has she gotten herself into.

I feel her. Really I do. I cried everyday for a week (or was it more?) after Hadi was born. Initially because he was born with wet lung syndrome and I hated that he had to stay in the nursery while I lazed in my hospital bed for 5 days. I wanted to hold him and kiss him but he had to stay in the incubator and I was only allowed to see him to breastfeed. Then I remember sobbing upon realizing the hospital bill that hubs had to pay; both mine and Hadi’s pediatrician bill.

Then I cried when we got home, because I wanted to pantang at my mom’s place but I didn’t want to leave hubs and home. I cried takut pokok mati and made hubs promised me that he’ll siram the pokok. I cried and cried and cried all the way to KL because hubs tak ikut hantar and will only be coming the next 2 days. Cengeng betul.

Then while at mom’s, I would miss hubs so badly and cried some more. Then I’d cry when I missed home, when Hadi wouldn’t sleep at night and I got so tired, when hubs didn’t pick up my call, when I pumped and didn’t manage to get much, when Hadi made me a human pacifier and refused to stop breastfeeding, when the temporary bibik accidentally threw away my breastfeeding manual, when people commented on my post pregnancy body, and pretty much when I felt lonely because Hadi was just doing what little babies do, sleep.

Every time mom realized that I’ve been crying, she’ll remind me to ingat Tuhan, doa banyak-banyak, banyakkan zikir and jangan fikir bukan-bukan, which is exactly what should be done.

First month of Hadi's life. I miss his newborn heavenly smell.

Post natal depression is serious, people. Did you know that 1 in every 10 mothers have suffered from it but didn’t seek help because of the stigma? Meroyan, orang Melayu panggil, and some people take it lightly, as if the mothers reka-reka saja perasaan sebegitu. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially if you’re a first time mom.

What are the most common symptoms? Having panic or anxiety attacks. Constantly worrying about your health and safety and those close to you. Feeling you’re a bad mother or person. Constantly experiencing feelings of doom. Regularly feeling tearful for no real reason. Wanting to sleep all the time and never feeling rested. Finding it hard to sleep. Feeling like you have to put on a ‘brave face’ around other people. Being unable to talk about the birth or constantly talking about it because you felt so out of control. Feeling that life is not worth living since your baby was born. Feeling worthless. Thinking you haven’t bonded with your baby or have no feelings towards them. Feeling ill; suffering chest pains, breathing problems, headaches, dizziness, many minor illnesses and stomach upsets. Losing track of time and not being able to tell the difference between a few minutes and a few hours. (Source: Dumex.com.my)

I think I had more than half of the symptoms. Heck, I might still have 1 or 2 every now and then.

So if you think you’re suffering from ‘meroyan’ (such a stigmatic word, don’t you think so?), what should you do? (1) Don’t feel guilty about what you’re going through. (2) Don’t bottle up your feelings. Talk to your partner, a close friend, relative or other mums about what you are going through. (3) Don’t try to do too much in a day. (4) Accept help from those around you. (5) Take time to rest. (Source: Dumex.com.my)

If you feel your symptoms is bad, talk to your doctor. They’ll surely layan you because that’s what they’re paid to do. But yes, the most important thing is to have a good support system, dan banyakkan ingat Allah. Oh and I learned that although strict Malay pantang prohibits this, but getting out of the house once in a while helps tremendously!

Good luck, new mothers. If you need someone to talk to, you’ve got a friend in me :)