Friday, October 21, 2011

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” - Milton Berle


A Twitter friend confessed today that in the first few months from the day her son was born, she pushed him away and even asked herself what has she gotten herself into.

I feel her. Really I do. I cried everyday for a week (or was it more?) after Hadi was born. Initially because he was born with wet lung syndrome and I hated that he had to stay in the nursery while I lazed in my hospital bed for 5 days. I wanted to hold him and kiss him but he had to stay in the incubator and I was only allowed to see him to breastfeed. Then I remember sobbing upon realizing the hospital bill that hubs had to pay; both mine and Hadi’s pediatrician bill.

Then I cried when we got home, because I wanted to pantang at my mom’s place but I didn’t want to leave hubs and home. I cried takut pokok mati and made hubs promised me that he’ll siram the pokok. I cried and cried and cried all the way to KL because hubs tak ikut hantar and will only be coming the next 2 days. Cengeng betul.

Then while at mom’s, I would miss hubs so badly and cried some more. Then I’d cry when I missed home, when Hadi wouldn’t sleep at night and I got so tired, when hubs didn’t pick up my call, when I pumped and didn’t manage to get much, when Hadi made me a human pacifier and refused to stop breastfeeding, when the temporary bibik accidentally threw away my breastfeeding manual, when people commented on my post pregnancy body, and pretty much when I felt lonely because Hadi was just doing what little babies do, sleep.

Every time mom realized that I’ve been crying, she’ll remind me to ingat Tuhan, doa banyak-banyak, banyakkan zikir and jangan fikir bukan-bukan, which is exactly what should be done.

First month of Hadi's life. I miss his newborn heavenly smell.


Post natal depression is serious, people. Did you know that 1 in every 10 mothers have suffered from it but didn’t seek help because of the stigma? Meroyan, orang Melayu panggil, and some people take it lightly, as if the mothers reka-reka saja perasaan sebegitu. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially if you’re a first time mom.

What are the most common symptoms? Having panic or anxiety attacks. Constantly worrying about your health and safety and those close to you. Feeling you’re a bad mother or person. Constantly experiencing feelings of doom. Regularly feeling tearful for no real reason. Wanting to sleep all the time and never feeling rested. Finding it hard to sleep. Feeling like you have to put on a ‘brave face’ around other people. Being unable to talk about the birth or constantly talking about it because you felt so out of control. Feeling that life is not worth living since your baby was born. Feeling worthless. Thinking you haven’t bonded with your baby or have no feelings towards them. Feeling ill; suffering chest pains, breathing problems, headaches, dizziness, many minor illnesses and stomach upsets. Losing track of time and not being able to tell the difference between a few minutes and a few hours. (Source: Dumex.com.my)

I think I had more than half of the symptoms. Heck, I might still have 1 or 2 every now and then.

So if you think you’re suffering from ‘meroyan’ (such a stigmatic word, don’t you think so?), what should you do? (1) Don’t feel guilty about what you’re going through. (2) Don’t bottle up your feelings. Talk to your partner, a close friend, relative or other mums about what you are going through. (3) Don’t try to do too much in a day. (4) Accept help from those around you. (5) Take time to rest. (Source: Dumex.com.my)

If you feel your symptoms is bad, talk to your doctor. They’ll surely layan you because that’s what they’re paid to do. But yes, the most important thing is to have a good support system, dan banyakkan ingat Allah. Oh and I learned that although strict Malay pantang prohibits this, but getting out of the house once in a while helps tremendously!

Good luck, new mothers. If you need someone to talk to, you’ve got a friend in me :)

12 comments:

AyinEmran said...

Aku taktau kau nangis on everyday the first week tu. Bad me. :(

Marliza Radzi said...

Mak aku je kot tau :)

Anonymous said...

its a good thing tt Hadi sleeps. mine was forever awake n wanted me to hold her all day long tt i couldnt do anything. nk g toilet pon susah..

wandmcontest said...

omigod..i have few of the symptoms described..meroyan ker aku nih..huhuhuh

Yatt said...

aku meroyan sbb gagal breastfeed sampai kaunselor dtg bg aku kaunseling kat katil aku. masa dia kasik kaunseling tu aku jeling je muka dia.. aku rasa benci giller kat dia.. aku rasa mcm dia sangka bagus.. huhu...

Ahsuez said...

Sangat betul and we always thought that we were the only one and sharing it with others will make you feel like you are a loser!

I had my share too and I hope I'll not be getting one, this time (second baby). One of pre-caution that I made is that I've booked a confinement lady. And stayed in KL with my husband instead of balik kampung. My mom is going to be super busy, so tak nak bebankan dia (which will add more guilt).

InshaAllah. Hope everything's going to be fine. :)

Marliza Radzi said...

Anonymous: Hadi stayed up all night, remember? T___T

Wanmcontest: Hopefully not!

Yatt: Kan? Menyampah bila orang bagi unsolicited advice masa tengah stres yang tentu pasal. Haha.

Ahsuez: InsyaAllah. Good luck! :)

ella said...

nice entry.

somehow i'm glad to know that i'm not alone.. :)

i cried too. mostly bcoz i feel helpless n kejauhan from hasben masa dlm pantang. so wat i did was i went back to kl after 2 weeks staying at my mom's, to be at the comfort of my own home n near to him. yeah i hv to do everything (house chores, jaga baby) all by myself during the day, tp itu lebih membahagiakan.

Anonymous said...

Assalam.

Been your silent reader and this post really hit home. But it even harder for me (I think, in some ways) because I adopted my baby and have most of the symptom you mentioned. Could I be meroyan?

Marliza Radzi said...

Ella: Sebab sometimes we just want to be near to our other half kan?

Anonymous: I'm not an expert so I don't know but I read that it's normal for mothers to be needing some time to bond with their babies, even more so if the baby is adopted. Maybe you should talk to someone expert about it? Good luck & take care, ya!

Nida Shaari said...

owh kakak pun mengalami perkara yang sama.. menangis.. menangis.. menangis..

dan sehingga sekarang kakak masih lagi menangis terutama sekali bila muhammad asik mengempeng sampai kakak rasa telah mengabaikan tanggungjawab sebagai isteri..

Acaii said...

Yup, memang serius post natal tu sebab ada yang saya kenal cederakan diri dia sebab suaminya tak pedulikan dia. Padahal tak jawab call je. Nauzubillah. Ada sebab Allah turunkan perasaan ni. Mungkin sebagai persedian membesarkan baby tersebut emosi dan fizikal.