On normal days, my equilibrium status is STABLE. I am neither loud nor quiet, neither proud nor humble.
Most of the people whom I allowed into my life are those who could cause positive impact on my equilibrium status. Like my parents (who unstoppably spoil me), my Daud (of course), the merry-by-name-merry-by-nature Far (her name means ‘Kegembiraan Kesayanganku’ in Arabic), my angels (eccentrically, we are always in high spirits when we are with each other), my silly yet very understanding little bro, my close friends like the ever sweet Ayin, the mischievous Yan, and other upbeat souls who are in my close circle (They know who they are).
When I am around these people, I would be a blissful, positive soul. I would be different from who I originally am. With these people, I could sometimes be too loud and too silly that me in normal days could not have recognized myself. (Daud & Far can testify for me on this). I am therefore calling this me the Happy Me.
But there are also people who are incidentally in my humble life due to unavoidable reasons; such as colleagues, classmates, my friends’ friends, my man’s friends, obviously-not-handpicked relatives etc. Some of these people give a deep shock to my equilibrium. Negative auras, I shall say. Actually, I choose to make them my negative auras, that is. I just can’t help it. I guess the Grim Me usually do all the thinking when I am faced with such people.
The thing is, I am strangely quiet and serious in the office. Some of my colleagues even thought that I am a very hardworking and/or serious worker. Nah, I am so not! (It’s just that I believe that one got to work hard to play hard; thus if I want to go home early to watch my tv, I have to work harder and faster). One even called me lemah lembut. What?! A girl is quiet and buat hal sendiri and suddenly she is lemah lembut. Kah kah. I just can’t seem to be the person I am, like when I am with my positive auras. Mostly I would be.. a bore?!
For the same reason, I opt to have my lunch, every single day, with Mazia, Nijoh & Bart. It is the hour within the half part of the day (siangku) that I can be totally insane. Ironically, they are my sanity pills. I get to become the Happy Me. The other half of the day (malamku) is mestilah best, usually spent borak-ing with Ibu and curling with my tv and sleeping. (But today, I will be going to Shah Alam, meeting Far and the rest of the gang! Yeaaaay!)
(I just got a call from Far, and I am suddenly in a very cheerful mood. I was laughing like mad throughout the conversation. This must have caused a great stun to my colleagues. Kah kah. I can hear their heart screaming: Is that really Am? Laughing like a mad woman? Is she possessed by the ugly looking phone? What the _____ ?!)
What I am certain of is that they make me realized this about me. That I am very easily altered not by situations, but by people. Other people. So just when you think you got me figured out, the season would already be changing. I am not proud of myself.
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