Manusia semuanya tiada lepas seksa
Suka dan duka silih berganti
Sudah takdirNya Yang Maha Suci
Tetapi manusia seharusnya berusaha
Bahagia takkan datang sendiri
Jika manusia tiada cari

I know my last few entries have been pretty depressing. Thank you, gentle readers, for your kind words, and mostly, for bearing with me. Ngeee.

Fret not, it’s a happy one this time! My dad got promoted yesterday, my bakal suami got transferred to Semenanjung, my Little Bro got himself a girlfriend recently, I’m turning 26 tomorrow and getting married in less than a week - how can I not be happy! :)

Thanks to my girlfriends, who organized me a wonderful bridal party, saya kini merasa lebih tenang, content dan sungguh bahagia! Behold dear readers, some random merepek pictures ahead! (Merepek because the significant ones are censored lah kan. Hehehe)

Surprise surprise!

Oh it was also a birthday party! :) Did I say I’m turning 26? It was a typo. 16 sebenarnya. Ngeee. Like 16 is even legal to kahwin? Hahaha.

Love love love the bridal package! The red hot nightie dan semualah. Thank you, girls! And thank you, Far, for the gorgeous nightie (not in picture)!

The bride-to-be and her pengapit mempunyai dan memakai kasut yang sama! Naem dear, you’ve got good taste. Ngeee.

Nijoh me-manicure diriku. Seriously in dire need of one, my kekuku screamed, “Thank you, Kak Nijoh!” (Dengar tak, Nijoh?)

A portion of the naughty card; which reads, “Here’s a tip for you on your wedding day. Even in the most perfect marriage there will be times when you’re bound to argue, so to keep these times as pleasant as possible...”

Go figure. Hahaha.


Oh another good news! Our dearest Jaja is 7 weeks pregnant!!!

Much happiness. Pelangi selepas hujan, perhaps? Thank you, Allah :)

Blessed are the forgetful

Izinkanlah saya berkeinginan. I am a Muslim and as a Muslim, it is against my tauheed to ask “Why Me?” kerana keimanan kepada Allah itu merangkumi kepercayaan kepada takdir dan penyerahan kepada ketentuanNya. Namun izinkanlah saya merasa ingin untuk sementara.

Ingin meninggalkan ruang kerja ini dan menaiki kapal terbang pertama ke suatu tempat asing. Cambodia, mungkin?

Ingin melompat-lompat di awan seperti Nobita, Doraemon dan rakan-rakan.

Ingin bermain buai seharian. Encik Tunang, tolak buai saya, please.

Ingin berbaring di atas ais beku seperti Clementine dan Joel lalu menjadi kebas dan kaku. "I could die right now. I'm just happy. I've never felt that way before. I'm just exactly where I wanna be". Suka!

Ingin mencampakkan telefon bimbit ini ke dalam Sungai Gombak.

Ingin membeli-belah tanpa berfikir panjang seolah-olah punya wang yang tidak putus-putus. Saya ingin sekali jaket dari Elle itu dan kasut mary jane jenama Crocs ini (Ya Ayin, Crocs. Ngeee) dan document bag dari Braun Buffel itu dan jam Esprit yang comel ini dan kasut selesa dari Camel Active yang berwarna pink itu dan Levi's jeans ini (err, to name a few).

Ingin terjun bangunan dan terselamat tanpa sebarang kecederaan. Pasti menenangkan apabila angin menyapa wajah.

Ingin terapung di atas laut masin sambil cahaya matahari membakar wajah.

Ingin membakar semua fail-fail yang menyusahkan ini.

Ingin menjadi partikel halus seketika dan terbang-terbang tanpa jiwa.

Keinginan. Saya bersyukur atas segala bantuan dan kekuatan dariNya serta atas suatu sisi baru kebahagiaan (meminjam kata-kata Ayin) yang bakal menjelma. Namun izinkanlah saya dengan keinginan saya. Kerana realiti itu kadang-kadang tidak menggembirakan.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Alhamdulillah. The fiancé got transferred to JB. But even that is not good news enough to free me from this misery. Why oh why does this affect me so tremendously? Kadangkala saya begitu kuat, kadangkala saya begini pula, on the verge of breaking down bila-bila masa. Oh Tuhan.

There’s this quote by this fine art artist Marion Howard, "Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night." I wonder. Where has the ‘cheerful folk’ in me gone to?

Ingin menjadi partikel halus dan terbang-terbang tanpa jiwa.

Sila hantuk kepala saya ke dinding.

Everything is f***ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart?
Gotta pick myself up, where do I start?

Did Anwar Ibrahim become suicidal after he was convicted for the heinous crime? No he didn’t. He made a come back and led the Barisan Alternatif to huge victory. Did Nicol David give up squash after having the world champion title taken away from her in 2007? No she didn’t. The Duracell Bunny is still fighting, stronger than ever. Did Janet Jackson shy away from fame after her infamous wardrobe malfunction? No she didn’t. She battled the critics and is now back with a chart topping album.

But me, the only thing that is keeping me from leaping off a building pagi ini was my fear of dosa kepada Allah. Something happened at the Court today, tidak terasa ingin share atau elaborate apa yang berlaku, hanya bahawa it is detrimental to the Client if not rectified. No one blamed me for what happened, not even the Boss or other lawyers who know about this. And now that the Client is still ignorant about this fact, I guess I am the only person blaming myself about this. Sungguh down di bawah bawah bawah sana.

Ya Rabbi Ya Karim, bantulah hambaMu yang hina ini. Sesungguhnya hambaMu ini sedar bahawa ini adalah dugaan kecil dalam hidup ini tetapi hambaMu ini merasa sungguh lemah tidak berdaya. Berikanlah kekuatan.

The only thing worse than being suicidal is feeling suicidal.

It was a day from hell. Sigh.

The little things you do to me are taking me over
I wanna show you everything inside of me
Like a nervous heart that is crazy beating

My busy weekend started as early as Friday evening. My car got hit by a bus! Langgar lari, okay?! I don’t know where I got the guts, but I chased after the bus (putting Impak Maksima racers to shame. Ngeee) and confronted the driver, bergaduh-gaduh sikit sambil dikerumuni jejaka-jejaka Indon who backed me up. Konon. Obviously he didn’t pay me (“Kasi angkat you kereta, kasi bawak saya office, kasi repair sana”) so I lodged a police report. The car now has an ugly dent dan cermin sisi sebelah kiri is a little retarded, but other than that, I am okay and all is well.

Anyways, the weekend was spent in Utara where my parents and I:
(a) attended Kano's second reception in Aloq Setaq;
(b) gathered with uncles, aunties and cousins for a lovely dinner in Kapitan;
(c) pekena nasik kandaq at Bapak's favourite (since childhood) spot;
(d) Shopped for CD lanun at Feringhi (Colbie Caillat's Coco is a fun spin!);
(e) went to saudara-mara's houses in Penang and Perak for what my mom calls 'adat memanggil', iaitu menjemput secara eyes to eyes, memberi efek yang lebih berat terhadap jemputan tersebut.

Some pictures from Kano's reception, where the people were teramat mesra, where the foods were lavish dan teramat sedap and where the bride is,
to date, the craziest/prettiest bride ever. Teehee.

Alololo shayang shangat!

Kano is what Far would describe as “campak dalam air, jadi ikan”. My mom (yes, the one in shocking pink) adores her to bits! She is practically her ‘anak angkat’ now. Tengoklah tu the bride and her silly antic. Comel, okay?!

Kimi's adorable little family, and by adorable, I'm referring only to
Hanany and Miza, ya Kimi?! Heh.

Sesi tayang cincin. Kakak, Ibu suka amat cincin kamu!

Apa yang dapat saya simpulkan ialah negeri-negeri Pulau Pinang, Kedah dan Perak yang kini di bawah pentadbiran Barisan Rakyat masih seperti sebelumnya. Aman, damai dan masih tempat yang saya sukai. D'oh?!

Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey


What needs to be sent out,

have been sent out.


What needs to be submitted,

will be submitted real soon.


And what needs to be tendered,

has finally been tendered *sigh*

[But the Big Boss for the department made me promise him that I'll rejoin the Firm once I am back in Semenanjung. Well that gives me some kind of conviction. And it is definitely nice to know that my service here is desired :)]

Moving on.

They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

It is a Thursday, y’all, which means it is time for… *AI jingle* … American Idol review! It was the Top 12 Show last night and to me, it was a rather disappointing night, maybe due to far-above-the-ground expectation on my part. But I adore Broke White’s rendition of Let It Be! I do I do I do, and everything I am I would give to you, my love my love my love (remember this adorable song by Alisha’s Attic? Me likey!) I can't decide which of which between the hunky Michael Johns and the rocker-boy David C to be in my Top 3 list but just like every other week, Jason Castro is. Sorry lah Ayin, walaupun wajahnya feminine, I really, really like his performances so far, sungguh simple dan jujur :) Not that my say/review matters anyway. Hahaha. As usual, click on their names to watch the performances.

Is it just me or do you too, dalam professional conversation, ada keinginan to blurt out unnecessary, stupid remark? Like yesterday, when the Judge was instructing us counsels to do some research on some point of law, all I could think about was to tell him that his room smells really nice. Or when a Client yesterday was telling me about one d*irector for M*iTV, I had to stop myself from responding that M*iTV sucked although better than its predecessor M*ega TV. Sila jadi lebih serius, wahai diri.

Oh man, I have a submission to be completed today but all I can think about is writing this! Ngeee. So once this is published, it is officially out of my system and I can now start being a responsible lawyer. Cheh.

I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me

22 hari menjelang hari pernikahan, soalan yang paling kerap diajukan ialah bagaimana perasaan saya. Honestly I must say, at this point, most of the time, I feel rather indifferent. Kata Yunik, ia kerana saya memang naturally bukan seorang yang nervous. Owh babe, trust me, you don’t want to be around me when I’m nervous. And contrary to that belief, I do get nervous, only that most of the time, I get nervous about petty stuffs. When it comes to bigger matters, I prefer to remain mum about it; I believe talking about it will only make it more real. Heh.

How can I not be feeling indifferent? My everyday life is still about the same. Well, except for a few days last week, when I was overwhelmed with the idea of relocating to a Borneo land many miles away from home (I still get that tight feeling in my stomach every time I overthink about it. Ngeee)

Other than that, it is pretty much the same: wake up, breakfast with Ibu, go to Court, go to the office, go back home, watch TV, dinner with Ibu, sleep. Malam-malam ada lah kerja lain sikit, tulis kad dan letak setem. Itupun kad dah siap tied up with ribbon semua, all done by Ibu and her friends. Oh did I mention Ibu’s friends come to our house just about every day sekarang to help Ibu with the wedding preparation? Oh yes, they do. Hence the lack of work left to be done on my part. Alhamdulillah lah kan? :)

To those who have been asking how the preparation is going, I’ll give you a peek: Cards are ready (some have even been sent out). Haven’t done fitting for my reception dress, I don’t even know how far done it is. But it is in good hand, I believe. Ibu’s adik angkat who is a wedding tailor is doing it for me. For free! Yeay me! Nikah dress is ready (my Ibu sewed it) and I love it :) Bunga telur, bunga pahar, all done. Application Forms and its supporting documents are all ready to be submitted. Hiasan hantaran will be done by Ibu but the barang-barang, all bought. Pelamin, catering, canopy etc will be done by CT Catering; although we have yet to hold a proper meeting with the team, I believe the majlis is in good hand. Perkara kecil-kecil, kesemuanya diuruskan rakan-rakan Ibu. That leaves me with nothing much to do kan? InsyaAllah. Oh ya, saya belum ke spa dan facial. Perlu kan?

So that wraps up the answers for the questions mengenai perasaan dan persiapan. Now, every time I get asked the questions, I can simply say, read my blog for more comprehensive answers. Ngeeee.

Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which
no compass has yet been invented! ~ Heinrich Heine

As predicted, a sore win for BN. Negeri-negeriku Penang dan Selangor kini berada di bawah naungan Barisan Alternatif. Now that the Election is over, it is time for reality; work work work demi agama dan negara. I’d really like to see the BA impact on these 5 states. One thing for sure, there will be better 'check and balance' in this beloved country of ours. It will be interesting. Oh well, talking politics (with almost everyone) was fun while the Election lasted, but now, let’s talk about something closer to the heart, shall we?

[Updated at 6.50 p.m.: Go here for an interesting read. Although my political view is pretty moderate, I must confess that I'm a true fan of Tun M's work]

Anyways, on Saturday, we woke up at 4 a.m. and flew to KT for Hazri & Wahida’s wedding. Check out the kipas, peeps! Coolness lah Fokker plane!

Hazri and Wahida tied the knot in a lovely, private ceremony.
Look how happy and gorgeously radiant they are :)

Thanks to Far, our hostess for the day,
we managed to cram 3 days worth of vacation in one day!

A visit to the beach. Me likey the beach!

No visit to KT would be complete without shopping for batik at Pasar Payang and keropok lekor at Losong, dan kini, satu destinasi baru, Taman Tamadun Islam! I'm definitely coming back for the replicas!

A reunion! With the infamous '9 digits' Masjid Kristal in the background.

We even managed to squeeze in time for ikan celup tepung di
Teluk Ketapang 20 minutes before Check In time.
Look! Even the pengantin were there! Cool lah korang, beb!


And on Sunday, the fiancé and I with Su dan Suhail
convoyed to Jerantut for Kano’s wedding!

My dearest sister, looking super gorgeous in a gorgeous dress
with her gorgeous rings!

One with the crazy/beautiful bride.

One with the beautiful newlyweds.

One very fun (albeit a little tiring) weekend. Heartfelt events and good company; worth every bit of the money and the time spent :)

Isteri cerdik yang solehah
Penyejuk mata, penawar hati, penajam fikiran
Di rumah dia isteri, di jalanan kawan
Di waktu kita buntu, dia penunjuk jalan

Alhamdulillah :) Seakan terhapus sesak di dalam dada ini kerana he will be coming home menjemputku untuk ke sana. I thought I am strong enough to face the transition all by myself. But surprisingly (to me), I am not. After I broke down, he realized that I have no strenght to do it on my own lantas dia akan pulang menjemputku :) Lalu kini aku terasa seperti bunga-bunga menjadi mekar dan burung-burung berterbangan riang di sekelilingku. Seriously. Teehee.

Speaking of keriangan bunga dan burung reminds me of AI contestant, Brooke White. She is by far my favourite female contestant; with her powerful vocal and pretty, pretty face and sunshine-y personality. Notice how she always wears orange? Orange suits her to the E! (Huh? Heh) Watch my 2 favourite performances of hers here and here.

Dan kerana hari Jumaat adalah hari saya menasihati dan memuhasabah diri (terasa lama tidak menulis begini), juga sempena perkahwinan dua sahabat saya esok, saya ingin berkongsi nasihat Rasulullah SAW ini kepada puterinya Fatimah: "Ya Fatimah, yang lebih utama dari itu semua adalah keredhaan suami terhadap isterinya. Jika suamimu tidak redha denganmu tidaklah akan aku doakan kamu. Tidaklah engkau ketahui wahai Fatimah bahawa redha suami itu daripada Allah SWT dan kemarahannya itu dari kemarahan Allah SWT?" Sila ke sini untuk membaca nasihat penuh yang sungguh indah dan bermakna :)

Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying I love you

Enough with the melancholia. For now at least. Ngeee. Dearest Kano is tying the knot lusa! Although it breaks my heart not being able to be there to witness the solemnization, I promised her I’ll make it up to her by attending both sides of her receptions in Pahang and Kedah, insyaAllah.

To celebrate the bride-to-be, last night, Su Baby and I took her out for karaoke/buffet dinner at Red Box Ria and it was so much fun! Su surprised me big time! She is a really, really good singer! Meresap ke hati nyanyiannya. Kano is equally good with her versatility; when she sings ballads, lunaknya gaya Siti, come dangdut, it’s Iwan and when it’s rock kapak, she is a cross between (arwah) Along Spoon and Zamani. Hahaha. Tapi gua biasalah, I’m quite reserved when it comes to singing. Pemalulah konon. Hahaha. It was a good night out anyway :)

Still on singing, a quickie on AI: I really, really like David C's version of Hello! He emo-punked a very melancholic leleh song and he did it really well! And Michael Johns is back! He was totally rocking last night! David A was alright but he is not in my Top 3 this time but Castro the Hair is! Notice how he is in my Top 3 list every week? Deep inside, maybe I really like him! Hahaha! Oh as usual, click on the name to watch the performances.

Okay I'm going to wrap up this entry with this:
Some (ex) colleagues are merely people you (used to) work with,

but some, like Su and Kano, they "leave footprints
on your hearts and you are never, ever the same" :)

Nasi lemak buah bidara
Sayang selasih hamba lurutkan
Tinggalkan ibu tinggalkan bapa
Kerana kasih hamba turutkan

My flight to Kuching is finally confirmed. And yes, Ayin, as sayu as it may be, I will be flying there alone. I’ve been putting off this task for so long, even after Ayin told me that AirAsia ada tiket murah. Tetapi hari ini, setelah menyaksikan kehabisan tiket berharga RM2.90, I knew that it has to be done. I finally purchased my May ticket to Kuching, to my new home, my new life.

I guess you may have guessed mengapa saya hesitant untuk membeli tiket itu. Saya sungguh gentar untuk meninggalkan kehidupan lama untuk ke kehidupan baru, and basically and mostly, gentar because I have to do it alone. He will be going back to Kuching earlier in April and I have my reasons for staying behind seketika, my kerja and what not. Economy-wise, ke sanalah saya seorang diri. But as independent as I may be all these while, the idea of getting there by myself freaks me out! I am afraid that I will fall apart kerana kesedihan. But I guess this transition is something I have to face on my own. Huhuhu. Things I'd do for love. Pray for me! And us!

P/S: Dear Sweetheart, I reiterate that you shall ensure that there will be a TELEVISION (with ASTRO, I shall add) waiting for me there. Thank you :)

Flashback, warm nights, almost left behind
Suitcases of memories time after time

Good movies like P. Ramlee’s Madu Tiga, good hairstyles like Jen Aniston’s layer, good books like HAMKA's Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wick, good fashion pieces like Audrey Hepburn’s LBD in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, good musics like Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time – what do they have in common? They, ladies and gents, stood the test of time.

And speaking of 'standing the test of time', it will be exactly one month tomorrow, to the day of our wedding and I've been having mixed emotions everytime I think about my post-wedding life; excited to build a new life with my loved one, anxious to leave behind my sweet old life (although my life ain’t that ‘happening’, I love it!) But insyaAllah, everything will be A-okay. We will stand the test of time and the best thing is, we will be doing it together :) I have faith in us (d'oh!) Ngeee :)