That's When I Love You

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget I'm waiting in the rain
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
That's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you give when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count me for life
That's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what


I love you, no matter what :-)

Well you need a blue sky holiday

A new Hijrah year: a new beginning as a Muslim, a continuing blessed journey as a being.

I spent the last days of my 1426 with people who really matter: family and best friends, in Far’s beloved Terengganu. Went there on a ‘family matter’ trip, nevertheless had fun all the way.

Met up with Dod and Far on my 2nd day there, went out for chit chat together with the lovely couple, Wahida and Hazri at kedai air buoh gelah beso (air buah gelas besar), and I must say, Far, Wahida and Hazri played great hosts by buying Dod and I the delicious juices, Terengganu’s very own keropok lekor and ikan celup tepung. I had a good time with them. Dod and I later slept over at Far’s and I had a great blast catching up and gossiping with my best friends. (Dan kami berjaya membuat Far drive! Although only for a little while. We have faith in your driving, dear)

The next morning, after sending Dod back to her hotel and meeting Dod’s family, Far and I went strolling by the beach. The stroll was simply filled with admiring the breathtaking view of the beach in early morning, sharing of imaginasi2 pelik kami, gossiping dang melawok2 lawok (dan berlawak2 lawak) bodoh kami, but it was a very tender moment for me. Even more, when later, my parents and the rest of the family who I came to T’ganu with came to Far’s house for Nasik Dagang breakfast. It meant a lot to me to meet my family up with Far’s, simply because we always consider ourselves as sisters. And as expected, we were commented on being “Samanya korang ni, macam kembar/adik-beradik”, and naturally, our answer was “Memangpun adik-beradik, only not biologically”. I love you so much, Kindy!



1. Far, doing what she likes best at the beach: remis searching.
2. Far and I enjoying the view and each other’s company.

My trip to Terengganu was crammed with enjoying fine foods, shopping like there is no tomorrow (with the exception of myself who chose to save the bonus from Bapak to buy books and some new outfit I’d have my eye on), and having good times with family and friends. Daniel playing layang-layang by the beach with my Bapak and Eddy would have to be my favourite ‘Kodak moment’.



1. Daniel choosing his favourite layang-layang.
2. Eddy teaching Daniel to play while my Bapak enjoying himself.
3. Daniel, di awal percubaannya bermain layang-layang.
4. Daniel enjoying the kite with his Wan Chik a.k.a. my Bapak.

All in all, my ending to 1426 and my start of 1427 was a great one. Selamat tahun baru Hijrah 1427 to all my Muslim sisters and brothers. And Happy Chinese New Year to all Chinese. I thank Allah for all the love, happiness, success, blessings and chances He had given me to be a better person. Marilah kita sama2 berhijrah menjadi lebih baik, insyaAllah.

You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend.

So I’ve been tagged by my mate, Ayunique. For the love of books, here goes:


1) What is the total number of books you've owned?

- A lot. But there is no such thing as too many books eh?


2) What is the last book you bought?

- Under The Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes.


3) What is the last book you've read?

- Law And Practice of Arbitration in Malaysia by Grace Xavier. *Sigh*


4) What are you currently reading?

- Under The Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes.


5) What are the 5 books that have meant a lot to you or that you particularly enjoyed ?

- The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks
- Man and Boy by Tony Parsons
- Daddy-Long-Legs by Jean Webster
- Memoirs of A Geisha by Arthur Golden
- Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom


6) What book(s) would you wish to buy next?

- Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho
- The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst


7) What book(s) that caught your attention but never has a chance to read?

- The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
- To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee


8) What book(s) that you've own for so long but never read it?

- Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin
- To Cut A Long Story Short by Jeffrey Archer


9) Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

I would have said King because he is without a doubt a devoted fan of book, but he does not do survey, so here goes:

- Ninie - She loves books, I believe.
- Zaianne - Now this is a book worm.
- Sis Munirah Hayati - Simply because I feel like tagging her.


10) Your books' collections in one picture: An interesting variety.

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.

1 word to describe how I currently am: Hot. (Literally. I just got back from Bar Council. Was out in a very sunny evening).

2 words to describe the Finale of Malaysia’s Most Beautiful: Nget Ngot. (While I am glad Jessy did not win, I am not thrilled by Dilla being our most beautiful either. The show is simply so full of bitchiness).

3 words to define the firm I am working at and/or for: I love it. (A positive change eih?)

4 words of praise for my man: Most wonderful man ever. (And so much more than just that).

5 words to mirror my work ethics: To play hard; work hard.

6 words to describe my bestest friend: One and only irreplacable Kindred Spirit. (Going to Terengganu tomorrow and will be meeting her on Sunday! Yeay!)

7 words to summarise the work assignment I am painstakingly working on: Written submission for Stay of Proceeding. Tough. (Dan banyak lagi sebenarnya).

8 words to describe how I currently feel: I am incredibly happy. Thank God for the allowance. (To shop or to save for that dearest thingie I want most, eih? I already bought a cute bag anyway)

9 words of wisdom: “Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.” (I sure concur).

10 words from the song I currently adore: “Where is the passion when you need it the most?”

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.

Sushmita Sen talked to Karan Johar in Koffee With Karan (yes, I am actually fond of this talk show, thank you very much) about competing against Aishwarya Rai in Miss India/Miss Universe and beating her for the title.

Karan: Do you think you deserve to win?

Sush: Absolutely.

Karan: Why? Because you think you did better than Ash (Aishwarya) that night?

Sush: No. I don’t compare myself to Ash. I deserve to win because I was at my best that night. Not because I did better than Ash. Even if I didn’t win, but I have done my best, it is ok. The most important thing is that I did my best. And luckily, the judges thought so too.

Moral: Never compare yourself to others. Just be yourself, at your best. I have been reminded of this mantra a countless time, be it in Oprah, beauty magazines, women articles, blah blah blah blah. But when this sexy, confident woman said it, it so freaking hit me. Simply inspiring.

- I'm young and I'm underpaid - I'm tired but I'm working, yeah -

- Spent two nights with Far, Naem and Jaja at our old home in Shah Alam – The first night together we went out with the rest of the gang (excluding Dod who could not make it) at our favourite restaurant for tom yam dinner, Singgahan Rasa, Section 13 (which is praiseworthy of an ad here) –

- These 2 days, rode to work and back to Shah Alam with Mazia and Nijoh – Keceriaan bersama kawan2 terbawa2 ke office maka telah menjadi lebih open kini dan boleh bergembira, berborak2 dan bergelak-ketawa di ofis – Maka, rapport in office is blooming well -

- Yesterday, Far and I wanted to watch Geisha or Pride & Prejudice but the stupid cinema in Bukit Raja was only showing Geisha at midnight, 2 Tamil movies, and 1 Chinese movie with no prominent actors in it –

- Had so much fun with my best mates - This morning, the former ‘Marliza & Associates’ had breakfast together (Mazia, Nijoh & I - the usual threesome, Far who was on the way to court to file her chambering petition, and Dod who was also on her way to court to do some observation) – Sangat bahagia –

– Accompanied Mazia shopping for cosmetics after lunch – Registered to vote at the SPR booth in front of Pertama Complex (yeay masa depan negara kini di tanganku teehee) – Bought a radio with my colleagues, and our modest chambering room is now livelier (Nombor 150 di Sinar FM: Apa Nak Jadi, Tan Sri SM Salim) – Received a Friendster message from Neqyan (my schoolmate of 5 years & dormmate of 3 good years), asking for my address to send a wedding invitation, which I'm sure is her wedding, and I am so so happy for them - She & Aleq are like one of the most peeerrrfeeeect couple I know, yeay - [Update, People: Neqyan cakap sesape yang dah changed address after Form 5, contact me or Neneq herself thru Friendster. It is confirmed!!! On 18/3/2006!! :D]

–Currently is very dozy, drowsy & druggy, but waiting to watch Extreme Makeover which I know I will only watch for the first 15 minutes without exception – Timbunan files are waiting for me tomorrow, but I have no complaint, I like what I do – Office is pleasurable momentarily – Nevertheless, I thank God tomorrow is Friday – Weekends, good weekends -

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover. I'm a child, I'm a mother. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hell, I'm your dream. I'm a little bit of everything. All rolled into one.

On normal days, my equilibrium status is STABLE. I am neither loud nor quiet, neither proud nor humble.

Most of the people whom I allowed into my life are those who could cause positive impact on my equilibrium status. Like my parents (who unstoppably spoil me), my Daud (of course), the merry-by-name-merry-by-nature Far (her name means ‘Kegembiraan Kesayanganku’ in Arabic), my angels (eccentrically, we are always in high spirits when we are with each other), my silly yet very understanding little bro, my close friends like the ever sweet Ayin, the mischievous Yan, and other upbeat souls who are in my close circle (They know who they are).

When I am around these people, I would be a blissful, positive soul. I would be different from who I originally am. With these people, I could sometimes be too loud and too silly that me in normal days could not have recognized myself. (Daud & Far can testify for me on this). I am therefore calling this me the Happy Me.

But there are also people who are incidentally in my humble life due to unavoidable reasons; such as colleagues, classmates, my friends’ friends, my man’s friends, obviously-not-handpicked relatives etc. Some of these people give a deep shock to my equilibrium. Negative auras, I shall say. Actually, I choose to make them my negative auras, that is. I just can’t help it. I guess the Grim Me usually do all the thinking when I am faced with such people.

The thing is, I am strangely quiet and serious in the office. Some of my colleagues even thought that I am a very hardworking and/or serious worker. Nah, I am so not! (It’s just that I believe that one got to work hard to play hard; thus if I want to go home early to watch my tv, I have to work harder and faster). One even called me lemah lembut. What?! A girl is quiet and buat hal sendiri and suddenly she is lemah lembut. Kah kah. I just can’t seem to be the person I am, like when I am with my positive auras. Mostly I would be.. a bore?!

For the same reason, I opt to have my lunch, every single day, with Mazia, Nijoh & Bart. It is the hour within the half part of the day (siangku) that I can be totally insane. Ironically, they are my sanity pills. I get to become the Happy Me. The other half of the day (malamku) is mestilah best, usually spent borak-ing with Ibu and curling with my tv and sleeping. (But today, I will be going to Shah Alam, meeting Far and the rest of the gang! Yeaaaay!)

(I just got a call from Far, and I am suddenly in a very cheerful mood. I was laughing like mad throughout the conversation. This must have caused a great stun to my colleagues. Kah kah. I can hear their heart screaming: Is that really Am? Laughing like a mad woman? Is she possessed by the ugly looking phone? What the _____ ?!)

What I am certain of is that they make me realized this about me. That I am very easily altered not by situations, but by people. Other people. So just when you think you got me figured out, the season would already be changing. I am not proud of myself.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.

No man does. That's his.

~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895

The many faces of our beautiful Ibu

It would be a wonderful blessing if I ever get to become like my mother (as if that is even possible).
As Adik had put it, gifts and words are not enough to describe how much you mean to us and how much we love you. Heaps.
Happy birthday, Ibu. May you will always be within His blessings. We love you!

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.

I normally curb myself from interfering too much in his life (no I'm not talking about my man here). My approach is: "The less you interfere in a boy's life, the closer you will be to him. Simply be there." But this is too much. I love him to the bone, therefore I have to stand up for him. No, he didn't make me do this. Dia tak tahupun. Cuma bila dia asyik malu dan/atau sedih, aku tak suka. Aku kesian kat dia. So here I am, succumbing to my ke-menyibuk-an. Maka to whom this may concern: Please understand that he is so less than perfect. He has flaws (nobody knows about it better than me). A whole lot of it. But sometimes that's what makes him the boy I so love. If you love him that much (sebab kadang2 aku tengok macam deepest love habis, but then again, natural lah tu), please stop talking bad things about him so openly. Dia memang banyak tak betul, aku tau. Tapi sume boleh bawak bincang privately. All of us have our low time in relationship, when things go wrong, when things do not suit our best needs and/or wants. I know it is your own 'home', where you can voice out whatever that is within you in whatever modes you like it. But like you, aku tak suka, aku nak cakap jugala kan. For now, aku buat kesimpulan, mereka ini belum matang. Aku belum juga. But I am learning. Hard. But otherwise missy, I think you are okay.

I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman

Good morning!!! I am writing from my working station. So, how was everyone’s raya? Mine was good. Alongside the usual yummy raya dishes (prepared by Ibu of course), Uncle Hamidi gave us a whole branch of buah kelapa, and so, we had Kelapa fiesta. Great fun. Did anyone berkorban? I somehow did - korban-ed ¼ from the raya bonus I unexpectedly got from our benevolent big boss and gave it to my little brother who is tersangatlah broke. Kan sharing is caring :P

Yesterday, the office was still quieter than usual as a lot of staffs were still on leave. I had a good start for yesterday - woke up feeling rejuvenated (thank God for raya holiday) and arrived earlier than usual. Consequently, I stumbled into our Mr. Ganesan (he is is a Prosecuting Officer in BNM and a former Magistrate who taught us Criminal Trial & Advocacy). And he remembered my name!! Woohoo! Anyway, we chatted for a while, and he wished us all (classmates ku, dengar ni), a very best of luck for our future. Amiin.

And yesterday I went for a romantic rendezvous with my man after work. Teehehe. I so love meeting him. Even more after a long, demanding day at work. Will be meeting him again for lunch today, then he will be off to Putrajaya, and then back to JB. Sob sob.

Oh and I was approached by a talent scout in KLCC. Kah kah. They are "looking for new faces for commercial and advertisement". Kah kah kah. Marketable rupanya. Lain kali sesape kalo sesak sangat, bolehla cari minah2 ni kat KLCC, cakap: “Kak, bantulah saya, saya nak jadi talent. Boleh dapat RM kan Kak kan?”

Have a good day, everyone!

** Added after watching Malaysia's Most Beautiful. 1) Kenapa perlu buat Jue macam tu? Haah??! Jawab! 2) Kenapa perempuan selalu amat catty dan bitchy terhadap perempuan lain? Kenapa? Kenapa? 3) Boleh tak saya kesian pada mereka? Sebab bila mereka kadang2 buat baik dan manis, kita still boleh nampak niat sebenar mereka. Kah kah. Like some people tu. Eww. 4) Kenapa rancangan yang mainkan emosi macam ni sangat watchable? Guilty pleasure?? Eih? 5) How is it even possible to crown someone as Malaysia's Most Beautiful? Can beauty even be defined??? But certainly bitching is waaaay tersasar from being beautiful. Ke takpe for those who deserve it kot? Ke tak boleh? Ke takpe?

Good night, people! I am now off to watch displeased people get themselves extremely made over (yes, the TV industry cater for people like me). Simply beautifool.

Chances Are

Chances are you'll find me somewhere on your road tonight. Seems I always end up driving by.

Ever since I've known you it just seems you're on my way. All the rules of logic don't apply.

I long to see you in the night. Be with you 'til morning light.

I remember clearly how you looked the night we met. I recall your laughter and your smile.

I remember how you made me feel so at ease. I remember all your grace, and style.

And now you're all I long to see. You've come to mean so much to me.

Chances are I'll see you somewhere in my dreams tonight. You'll be smiling, like the night we met.

Chances are I'll hold you, and I'll offer all I have.
You're the only one I can't forget. Baby you're the best, I've ever met.

And I'll be dreaming of the future. And hoping you'll be by my side.
And in the morning I'll be longing for the night, for the night.

Chances are I'll see you somewhere in my dreams tonight. You'll be smiling, like the night we met.

Chances are I'll hold you, and I'll offer all I have.
You're the only one I can't forget. Baby you're the best I've ever met.

** Missing Daud & Far is what I do most with my spare time**

Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one.

It’s me again. I simply have to write again today because I found myself starting to like the firm I’m working with, and thus naturally, I must write about it.

Here are the reasons: It has one nice crowd of people (at least they are in the beginnings) + It has a (laid back but) good environment for learning + They have a very comfortable & clean surau up above my level (and this is one huge ‘turn on’ factor for me) + Safety – only staffs have the access pass which allows oneself to access all the levels + I just found out that Puan Rafizah Abu Hassan (my lecturer who was once my idol) used to do her chambering and practiced here for about 5 years + The fact that today I have got a working station, complete with a comfy chair and a PC with internet connection + And the killer: Today we had a Majlis Tahlil with makan2 and all. Get it? Firm ini mementingkan keseimbangan duniawi ukhrawi. Hence in the intonation of Na’a Murad: “I like!”

By the way, is it just me, atau memang ramai orang yang membenci masyarakat yang suka meludah di tengah2 jalan & di depan2 manusia lain? Aku nak gelar masyarakat macam ni sebagai Peludah Terbuka. Aku amat benci Peludah Terbuka. Sepanjang aku tunggu tren tadi, sangatlah ramai Peludah Terbuka yang dapat kulihat. Laki, pompuan, Melayu, Cina, India. Gile universal lah perludahan secara terbuka ni. Kenapa? Kenapa? Apa mereka ni takde common sense kah bahawa perkara itu tersangatlah gross?! You should do it in the toilet. Kalau sesak sangat, carilah tempat yang takde orang sikit. And what common-sensical people would do is: Cari tisu, spit in one. Uwek. Aku tak suke Peludah Terbuka. Nijoh ade Kelab Penggemar Ayam, of which I am a member (of course). Maka aku rase nak bukak satu Kelab Pembenci Peludah Terbuka. Ada tak orang nak join???

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few.

Yeay. I have survived two (2) days of chambering. 268 more days to go. But who’s counting actually? Ngee. Adaptation period. The hardest.

These two days have been physically testing. Yesterday, my first day, (which I dreaded so much initially) was evidently exhausting. I was given very little thing to do at work actually, but what exhausted me was the ride home. The ride home yesterday was the longest ride I’ve ever taken I my life. First, I had to wait tersangatlah lama di station Bank Negara because apparently there was some technical problem, dan masalah besarnya ialah saya menanti dengan berpuluh ratusan manusia lain yang wajah semuanya seperti nak makan orang, atau rela dimakan. Maka bila komuter finally arrived, berpusu2lah manusia berebut untuk naik, dan natijahnya, there was not even room for one to breath. Kami berada dalam keadaan itu hingga tiba di stesen Segambut. Sesiapa yang aku terpegang, mintak halal lah ye, atau sesiapa yang telah terpegang aku, aku maafkan ajelah.

The worst part was having to stand in one place in the commuter di tengah2 lautan manusia tu – as this requires one to be able to ‘brake’ oneself bila komuter terhenjut2 dan membrake. Maka untuk ‘brake’, one’s kaki is essential, and mine were in heels. Baaaaik punya sakit kaki, almost killed me (or at least my spirit). But otherwise, my first day was mundane - bosan aje sebab 2/3 of the staffs were on leave yesterday, aku belum dapat working station, PC, access pass, dan macam2la kebosanan (although people were good to me – thank God for that). Going home to Ibu was very comforting, like a warm blanket during rainy hours, like a hot soup when one is having a cold, like a hot bath when one is weary. Teehee. But a sign of adulthood (I think) is when instead of screaming “I want my mommy!!!!” like budak2 darjah satu (yang start semalam juga), one will whine “I want my boyfriend!!!” like I did. Hahaha.

Today I got to meet my lady Master, and was introduced to 1/3 of the office staffs (plus partners & lawyers) – ramai lagi tak diperkenalkan, staffs yang tempatnya di tengah2 di level yang sama, staffs level atas, level bawah, sebab tak sempat – and some popular responses were: “Am je? Nama penuh apa?”, “Eh muka macam kenal la”, “Tinggal kat Bukit Beruntung ye? Tak jauh ke?”, “Grad MARA ye? Oh sini ada gak lawyer from MARA, macam M***, Z***** etc”.

After the networking session (together with flashing some smiles – genuine ada, fake lagi banyak), I went to menyelesaikan pemfailan petition ku, together with Nijoh, Mazia & Bart. Sangatla letih. Lari sana lari sini. Mazia & I ran like mad women at the AG’s Chambers Putrajaya (while Bart gelakkan kitorang terbahak2) because it was so near to closing time by the time we reached there. The whole day was like an episode of Explorace. Mesti ada masyarakat lalu-lalang yang cari kot2 ada kamera - bolehla tumpang masuk gambar. Anyway, letih pun letih la. Yang penting, everything is settled, petition is filed, and the copies have been served to the respected, designated places, and hence, pupilage a.k.a. chambering ku bermula secara official today. Woohoo. Alhamdulillah.

I am pretty sure that I’m going to be jaded (dan tinggal tulang) pretty soon. Btw kenapa aku tak suka adaptation period? Huhu. Adakah kerana I dislike new situation? Atau simply kerana I love familiarity and comfort zone? But change is good kan? Kan? Speaking of adaptation brings me to a ‘deep’ conversation I had with him earlier this week:

Me: Takut tak nak chambering?

Him: Takut sikit.

Me: Haaa!!!! Awak mana boleh takut!

Him: Ok ok. Tak takut. Apa nak takut. Just go there and do your thing. Buat kerja elok2. Jangan kacau orang. Senyum. Okla nanti. Macam mutiara.

Me: Nape dgn mutiara?

Him: Awak macam mutiara. Campakla kat mana pun boleh. Campak kat dalam air, jadi pulau. Campak kat darat, jadi gunung.

Me: Haah? Nape dari mutiara boleh jadi pulau? Jadi gunung? Gile busuk. Pulau selalu lonely. Kotor. Gunung busuk gile. Berbanding mutiara lah. Elok2 jadi mutiara, nape nak jadi gunung? Pulau?

Him: Ek eleh. Ok ok. Awak macam benih yang baik lah, ok…

Me: Weh apahal benih lak ni? Degraded lak. Tadi elok2 mutiara. Tetibe tukar jadi benih lak. *Brok brek brok brek*

Am I impossible or am I impossible? Ngeee.