Que Sera Sera

Reading Nicholas Sparks' Nights in Rodhante and watching Pak Lah with his oath for the newly elected govt made me think that life has a funny way to humor us.. and in the end, it's up to whether you are strong enough to laugh along, or to stumble and cry. That place of Pak Lah should have been Anwar Ibrahim's if things never went wrong. Little did we expect that in 2004, Pak Lah will be the one leading the nation. And there goes the golden saying.. life has it's ups and downs.. there is nothing certain in life.

I seldomly thought about my future. The fartherst I have thought of my future is the day I will proudly receive my LLB degree and later continuing LLB Hons. And that's it. I do not know what am I to do next.. how I want my life to be. Those Qs remain unanswered. Am I scared? If yes, of what? Dissappointment? My present life is beautiful.. or at least I think it is. For I have a great family, the greatest friends, my sweetheart whom I love dearly, and I am pursuing my passion.. and plus, I believe I have a good life, and that sure is important. It is not enough for a person to have a good life if he does not know that he has it. You have to make a mental note for every positive things/ persons/ situations you encounter.

However, despite believing that I have a good life, I think I have problem when thinking of the future. Am I scared? Am I sceptical? I live my life by many rules, and one that is most popular in my lifehood is to hope for the best but to prepare for the worst. If you have tried your best, tawakal, and leave it to fate. E.g: I always prepare myself for bad results even if I thought I did good. I seldomly anticipate my boyfriend to do anything romantic to make me happy [but I sure hope]. I even prepare myself for sad ending when reading novels. Etc etc. This, I believe is done by me to avoid dissappointment, but sometimes, sadly, this theory does not work in practice. And this is simply becos I am human. Ups and downs in life do affect me. Am I sceptical? Or is it just being realistic?

All these come to me thinking of my future again.. how shall it be? Who shall be in it? Do I want to become a lawyer? Or do I possess passion to educate ppl to become good lawyers instead? Do I want to pursue my Masters? Very soon or later? When shall I be married? Soon or much much later? Will I even have a future? Are these Qs of fate? Or are they meant to be discovered by me, myself?

Well, for now, eventho it is hurting me [for I hopelessly want to map them all out, but I just can't], I guess I better stick to my principle [this is to avoid jiwa meruntun - nanti kesian Far], i.e. to hope for the very best, and to prepare myself for the worst, to enjoy my present life, and to know that I am enoying it while I am enjoying it, and such is best laid down in the song.. Que sera sera, what will be will be, the future's not ours to see, Que sera sera, what will be will be..